Quotes from Chelsea Handler

I encourage interoffice romance.

Seeing your parents fall apart is really rough. I wouldn't wish it on anybody.

I love Sandra Bullock. I think everybody loves her.

Great guys exist. They may not be in the package you think you like, and they may not come when you feel you deserve them the most, but they're there. I believe it. You should too. Because now I'm with someone who makes me grow every day. His name is Netflix.

Network TV is so limiting. There are so many parameters.

I have severe ADD, and I'm constantly looking to amuse myself.

Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find that it's home.

I once waited on a group of 10 people, and one guy collected the money from the check and tipped me $20 on $600. I told him in front of everyone, 'Jews like you give Jews like me a bad name.' That was my last waitressing job.

It takes me a while to get my appetite going when I wake up early.

I've always had a problem with authority. That's why I had to be my own boss.

I'm very much about letting other people shine, because it makes us all shine brighter.

MTV is known for their huge budget.

Have you ever been sued by a midget? It's not fun.

In a relationship, the sum of your parts should equal more than just you by yourself. He needs to bring something new and different to the table to up the ante.

There's only so much you can say about celebrity, obviously.

I try not to cheat on my boyfriends when I have them.

I'm not superstitious at all. I'm not a Russian.

Britney Spears' album Blackout is one of the hottest-selling CDs in the country. We're in a bad place, people: The world is melting, we're at war, and Two and a Half Men is a huge hit.

People ask me why I'm so hard on men. It's because they've gotten a really easy ride. And it's not that I think women should take over the world. But I do think it should be 50/50.

I hate when men think that money is gonna buy you happiness... I mean, it helps.

I've never made love to a ghost but I have made love to men who are a few years away from becoming a ghost.

But then, like George Michael in a men's bathroom, I got cocky.

I would never sell my dog for a man. I'd sell the man.

It's true what they say about patience being a virtue; it just happens to be a virtue that I choose not to pursue.