Quotes from Chelsea Handler

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are ridiculous-looking - especially her. They're so strange and charismatic and weird. It's pretty hard to take your eyes off them.

I think pregnancy is a huge responsibility.

Everything isn't permanent, so don't pretend that it is. Everything's supposed to move and shift.

I don't pretend to be a great interviewer; I don't even pretend to be good at my job.

I have always maintained a strong opposition to marriage because I would have to be in serious denial to pretend I wasn't born with a personality for divorce. Whatever the opposite of amicable is, that's how my breakups tend to play out.

My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.

My whole life is reading tabloid magazines. It's really sad, because that's what my show is all about — what is going on with celebrities. So I have to know everything.

There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'

I remember having a conversation with my sister, saying, 'What if I don't make it? What if I'm still waiting tables when I'm 35?' I was just at the end of my rope. But I've been at the end of that rope several times.

I like being able to, you know, pack up and leave the country and hop on a plane and go wherever I want and stay wherever and bring my friends with me and bring my family on vacation. That's amazing.

TMZ is so disgusting.

Can you imagine peaking as a teen? I think if you peak in high school, there's a problem. That's what my sister always said: 'Don't worry, you'll peak later.'

We're seeking out such grossness in human behavior and want such mindless entertainment. 'The Real Housewives of Atlanta' and some of these other shows are more racist. Or '16 and Pregnant.' Getting rewarded for being pregnant when you're a teenager? Are you serious?

I'm a devilish kind of person, but I embrace it. I don't try to fight it. It's proven very well for me.

I think if you're gonna do something as silly and lighthearted as entertainment, then why not be interesting when you're doing it?

I'm not trying to be a role model to kids, because I don't have any children, but I do think everyone should have a free spirit.

I have been on a life-long search of how to stay in shape without putting any effort into it whatsoever.

It's a dream come true to have someone else portray me. Because I've been living this life for a long time, and I'm over myself.

It's a pleasure to play my sister because everything I've accused her of my whole life, I can now re-enact before her eyes.

Have you ever been to an AA meeting? No wonder these people are alcoholics - I've never needed a drink more badly in my life.

I was a fitness fiasco - until I found Pilates . . . It's been the most gentle on my body I'm longer and leaner and much more graceful. I can honestly say it's changed my body - and my life.

My life and my legs have been an open book.

I think it's important to be involved with charities that don't necessarily reflect what you're dealing with in your life.

The whole thing about my books and my life is that I create drama's always around me.