Quotes from Andy Rooney

Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of.

We've sent a man to the moon and that's 29,000 miles away. The center of the Earth is only 4,000 miles away. You could drive that in a week but for some reason nobody's ever done it.

I've learned... That money doesn't buy class.

Every one starts out being an atheist.

If dogs could talk it would take a lot of the fun out of owning one.

Those of us who don't have a party affiliation ought to be able to register under the heading "Confused.

Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.

I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.

I never understood retirement. What is the attraction of retirement? I go down there to Florida and look around and I said, my God, who wants this? Not me.

You can't be a good writer without being a good thinker.

People like to say, "You're only as old as you feel," but it isn't true. It's just something old people say to make themselves feel good about their age. You're as old as you are.

In Washington, a confidential assistant is someone who, if you don't want to know something, you go and ask him and he won't tell you.

Everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the happiness and growth occurs while you're climbing it.

If, on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it.

We need people who can actually do things. We have too many bosses and too few workers. More college graduates ought to become plumbers or electricians, then go home at night and read Shakespeare.

Person-to-person, most people are honest.

The last birthday that's any good is 23.

Milk without fat is like nonalcoholic Scotch.

I like ice hockey, but it's a frustrating game to watch. It's hard to keep your eyes on both the puck and the players and too much time passes between scoring in hockey. There are usually more fights than there are points.

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.

I am an atheist... I don't understand religion at all. I'm sure I'll offend a lot of people by saying this, but I think it's all nonsense.

In spite of some bad experiences, I'm a firm believer in the trial and error method of learning.