Quotes from Andy Rooney

The best thing about a vacation is planning it.

Nothing in fine print is ever good news.

Guns do not make you a killer. I think killing makes you a killer. You can kill someone with a baseball bat or a car, but no one is trying to ban you from driving to the ball game.

Most of the people in the world are good and decent if you give them a chance to be.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly." ~ (1919-), American writer, producer, humorist.

All economists should be locked up until they admit that they don't know what they're talking about.

I spent my first 50 years trying to become known as a writer and the next 30 trying to avoid being famous. I walk down the street or go to a football game and people shout, 'Hey Andy'. I hate that.

I've learned... That simple walks with my father around the block on summer nights when I was a child did wonders for me as an adult.

We're all torn between the desire for privacy and the fear of loneliness.

I've done a lot of complaining here, but of all the things I've complained about, I can't complain about my life.

Half the cookbooks tell you how to cook the food and the other half tell you how to avoid eating it.

Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.

Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter.

Anyone who watches golf on television would enjoy watching the grass grow on the greens.

The two biggest sellers in any bookstore are the cookbooks and the diet books. The cookbooks tell you how to prepare the food, and the diet books tell you how not to eat any of it!

It's just amazing how long this country has been going to hell without ever having got there.

I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

Vegetarian - that's an old Indian word meaning 'lousy hunter'

Phyllis Schlafly speaks for all American women who oppose equal rights for themselves.