Quotes from Andy Rooney

I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.

the best classroom in the world is at the feet of an elderly person.

I've learned ... that no one is perfect until you fall in love with them.

Elephants and grandchildren never forget.

Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

Would a real man get caught eating a twinkie?

The average bright young man who is drafted hates the whole business because an army always tries to eliminate the individual differences in men.

All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law.

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.

Figure skating is an unlikely Olympic event but its good television. It's sort of a combination of gymnastics and ballet. A little sexy too which doesn't hurt.

The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough.

I've learned... That the less time I have to work with, the more things I get done.

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.

The great virtue of being alone is that your mind can go its own way.

It isn't working that's so hard, it's getting ready to work.

Creativity is a by-product of hard work. If I never have another really new idea, it won't matter.

I never get over feeling bad about tearing open a beautifully wrapped present. It takes ten seconds to destroy a work of art that took someone ten minutes to accomplish.

I am interested in details. If you go into anything far enough, you get into the details of it, and people turn out to be interested in what makes things work.

You really can't blame the military for wanting to go to war [in Iraq]. They've got all these new toys and they want to know whether they work or not.

I try to look nice. I comb my hair, I tie my tie, I put on a jacket, but I draw the line when it comes to trimming my eyebrows. You work with what you got.

Art is a by-product of an honest and successful attempt to do something well.

I don't pick subjects as much as they pick me.