Quotes from Andy Rooney

I hate to say it, but I had a great time in World War II.

You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.

My own time is passing fast enough without some national game to help it along.

I've learned... That love, not time, heals all wounds.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

One of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don't clean it up too quickly.

I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.

A writer's job is to tell the truth.

Writers don't retire. I will always be a writer.

Don't you hate it when...your suitcase is the last one off the airplane?

Never trust the food in a restaurant on top of the tallest building in town that spends a lot of time folding napkins.

Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.

I've learned... That I wish I could have told my Mom that I love her one more time before she passed away.

I obviously have a knack for getting on paper what a lot of people have thought and didn't realize they thought. And they say, 'Hey, yeah!' And they like that.

Let's make a statement to the airlines just to get their attention. We'll pick a week next year and we'll all agree not to go anywhere for seven days.

It would be a better world if everyone in it knew all the truth about everything.

Death is a distant rumor to the young.

When those waiters ask me if I want some fresh ground pepper, I ask if they have any aged pepper.

I've learned that under everyone's hard shell is someone who wants to be appreciated and loved.

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.

If you smile when no one else is around, you really mean it.

I'm in a position of feeling secure enough so that I can say what I think is right and if so many people think it's wrong that I get fired, well, I've got enough to eat.

Most of us aren't that interested in getting rich- we just don't want to get poor.