Quotes from Ambrose Bierce

Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Think twice before you speak to a friend in need

BEGGAR, n. One who has relied on the assistance of his friends.

TRUCE, n. Friendship.

EXPOSTULATION, n. One of the many methods by which fools prefer to lose their friends.

ANTIPATHY, n. The sentiment inspired by one's friend's friend.

That part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity

Friendship: A ship big enough for two in fair weather, but only one in foul.

Capital Punishment, a penalty regarding the justice and expediency of which many worthy persons - including all the assassins - entertain grave misgivings

All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.

Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.

What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country.

Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.

EXTINCTION, n. The raw material out of which theology created the future state.

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

Age: that period of life in which we compound for the vices that we still cherish by reviling those that we no longer have the enterprise to commit.

You are not permitted to kill a woman who has injured you, but nothing forbids you to reflect that she is growing older every minute. You are avenged 1440 times a day.

ABDOMEN, n. The temple of the god Stomach, in whose worship, with sacrificial rights, all true men engage. From women this ancient faith commands but a stammering assent. They sometimes minister at the altar in a half-hearted and ineffective way, but true reverence for the one deity that men really adore they know not. If woman had a free hand in the world's marketing the race would become graminivorous.

EPIGRAM, n. A short, sharp saying in prose or verse, frequently characterize by acidity or acerbity and sometimes by wisdom. Following are some of the more notable epigrams of the learned and ingenious Dr. Jamrach Holobom:

CIRCUS, n. A place where horses, ponies and elephants are permitted to see men, women and children acting the fool.

If this is a crush, then I don't know if I could take the real thing if it happens.

LOVE, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder.

I think love is the most unbelievable, and critical, thing in civilization. Everything else is very mechanical and predictable, but love, you can't catch it.