Quotes from Mark Twain

That cat will write her autograph all over your leg if you let her.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog: Nobody really enjoys it, and the frog generally dies as a result.

I can last two months on a good compliment.

This explains why, whenever a person says sie to me, I generally try to kill him, if a stranger.

For a male person bric-a-brac hunting is about as robust a business as making doll-clothes.

Reality can be beaten with enough imagination.

Experience, the only logic sure to convince a diseased imagination and restore it to rugged health.

Well, no doubt it's a blessed thing to have an imagination that can always make you satisfied, no matter how you are fixed.

Against a diseased imagination demonstration goes for nothing.

Independence-is loyalty to one's best self and principles, and this is often disloyalty to the general idols and fetishes.

India has two million gods, and worships them all. In religion all other countries are paupers; India is the only millionaire.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

Worrying is like paying a debt you don't owe.

The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for.

I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

Substitute "damn" every time you're inclined to write "very"; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

We are discreet sheep; we wait to see how the drove is going, and then go with the drove.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

A thing long expected takes the form of the unexpected when at last it comes.

I am opposed to millionaires, but it would be dangerous to offer me the position.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.