Quotes from Mark Twain

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Sacred cows make the best hamburger

(Twain on Cain): it was his misfortune to live in a dark age that knew not the beneficent Insanity Plea.

Whatever a man's age, he can reduce it several years by putting a bright-colored flower in his button-hole.

We can't reach old age by another man's road. My habits protect my life but they would assassinate you.

Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society. Who shall say that this is not the golden age of mutual trust, of unlimited reliance upon human promises? That is a peculiar condition of society which enables a whole nation to instantly recognize point and meaning in the familiar newspaper anecdote, which puts into the mouth of a distinguished speculator in lands and mines this remark: -- ''I wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions of dollars.''

Genius has no youth, but starts with the ripeness of age and old experience.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Once you've put one of his books down, you simply can't pick it up again.

A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.

The best way to cheer yourself is to cheer somebody else up.

Its not the size of the dog in the fight, its the size of the fight in the dog.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

The report of my death was an exaggeration.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Every generalization is dangerous, especially this one.

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

Honesty is the best policy - when there is money in it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.