Quotes from Ambrose Bierce

REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.

RESOLUTE, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

RESPONSIBILITY, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

ARGUE, v.t. To tentatively consider with the tongue.

He looked a moment at his unsteadfast footing, then let his gaze wander to the swirling water of the stream racing madly beneath his feet. A piece of dancing driftwood caught his attention and his eyes followed it down the current. How slowly it appeared to move! What a sluggish stream!

REVOLUTION, n. In politics, an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment. Specifically, in American history, the substitution of the rule of an Administration for that of a Ministry, whereby the welfare and happiness of the people were advanced a full half-inch. Revolutions are usually accompanied by a considerable effusion of blood, but are accounted worth it—this appraisement being made by beneficiaries whose blood had not the mischance to be shed.

ADMIRAL, n. That part of a war-ship which does the talking while the figure-head does the thinking.

AIR, n. A nutritious substance supplied by a bountiful Providence for the fattening of the poor.

God hates a coward...

ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapacity.

MYTHOLOGY, n. The body of a primitive people's beliefs concerning its origin, early history, heroes, deities and so forth, as distinguished from the true accounts which it invents later.

In Physicia Baal is still worshiped as Bolus, and as Belly he is adored and served with abundant sacrifice by the priests of Guttledom.

ACADEMIA: Originalmente enramada en la que los filósofos buscaban un sentido en la naturaleza; ahora, escuela en la que los imbéciles buscan un significado en la filosofía.

UNITARIAN, n. One who denies the divinity of a Trinitarian.

VALOR, n. A soldierly compound of vanity, duty and the gambler's hope.

VIRTUES, n.pl. Certain abstentions.

PARDON, v. To remit a penalty and restore to the life of crime. To add to the lure of crime the temptation of ingratitude.

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

NOBLEMAN, n. Nature's provision for wealthy American minds ambitious to incur social distinction and suffer high life.

OPERA, n. A play representing life in another world, whose inhabitants have no speech but song, no motions but gestures and no postures but attitudes.

Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

Fork: An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth.

Friendless. Having no favors to bestow. Destitute of fortune. Addicted to utterance of truth and common sense.

Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their readiness to doubt.