Quotes from Woody Allen

Moses says, "Those conclusions perfectly match my own childhood experience: coaching, influencing, and rehearsing are three words that sum up exactly how my mother tried to raise us.

You've been awash in melancholy for days. Don't tell me you've never completely gotten over the end of truffle season?

I was taught by Danny Simon to rely on my own judgment, and I don't like to waste precious time on what can easily become a distraction.

The moment I sold the Plymouth was like having a tumor removed.

the suggestion caught me mid egg rolls

It's all schlock," the impresario railed. "Chazerei for pubescent sub-mentals.

Wurm, who had been madly in love with Nurse Waxtrap, winds up with her identical twin so considers it a wash.

Caesar and The Honeymooners—two very different great comedians, Sid and Jackie Gleason.

Dianne Wiest, Julie Kavner so terrific

Sid had a cerebral band of writers, Mel Brooks, Larry Gelbart, Mel Tolkin, Lucille Kallen, Mike Stuart, Shelly Keller, Neil Simon, not to mention contributors like Carl Reiner, Howie Morris, and Sid himself.

In those days the planes had propellers and couldn't make the trip nonstop and, worst of all, traveled through the sky.

After all, would the world really miss this fatuous little suppository, with his preening self-confidence and emetic cuteness?

I tease my parents in this account of my life, but each imparted knowledge to me that has served me well over the decades. From my father: When buying a newspaper from a newsstand, never take the top one. From Mom: The label always goes in the back.

If Woody Allen can lose those Mort Sahl mannerisms, he could be a very funny comedian." I wanted to do what he did, I wanted to be like him, I wanted to be him. And that's the problem. You have to be him to get that effect. It wasn't the brilliant jokes, which

were the best I ever heard, it was the man. It took me a long time to understand that and to grasp that no matter how hard I tried or how clever I could make my act, I wasn't him. (It's the same problem 99 percent of the actors had after Brando hit the scene. They walked like him, paused like him, posed like him, postured

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all things that make you want to live to a hundred.

The movie came together easily with the exception of the music. I began by using Stravinsky, but the atonality rendered everything unfunny. The minute we switched to Prokofiev, the film came alive.

I must argue, Wilk mandated a stupid, vindictive, and harmful visitation plan for me and the kids.

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

Showing up is eighty percent of life.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we've got on our hands is a dead shark.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve immortality through not dying.