Quotes from Mark Twain

There are some few people I respect and admire, but I don't think much of the species.

Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.

It's lovely to live on a raft. We had the sky, up there, all speckled with stars, and we used to lay on our backs and look up at them, and discuss about whether they was made, or only just happened- Jim he allowed they was made, but I allowed they happened; I judged it would have took too long to make so many.

Nothing exists but you. And you are but a thought.

The test of any good fiction is that you should care something for the characters; the good to succeed, the bad to fail. The trouble with most fiction is that you want them all to land in hell together, as quickly as possible.

The average man don't like trouble and danger.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

To a man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

Human pride is not worthwhile; there is always something lying in wait to take the wind out of it.

I don't want no better book than what your face is.

The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are in the wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are in the right.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

The trouble with the world is not that people know too little; it's that they know so many things that just aren't so.

Man - a figment of God's imagination.

October: This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks. The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June, December, August and February.

When ill luck begins, it does not come in sprinkles, but in showers.

How often we recall with regret that Napoleon once shot at a magazine editor and missed him and killed a publisher. But we remember with charity that his intentions were good.

Really great people make you feel that you, too, can become great.

There are people who strictly deprive themselves of each and every eatable, drinkable, and smokable which has in any way acquired a shady reputation. They pay this price for health. And health is all they get for it. How strange it is. It is like paying out your whole fortune for a cow that has gone dry.

Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is oblivion.

I don't see any use in having a uniform and arbitrary way of spelling words. We might as well make all clothes alike and cook all dishes alike. Sameness is tiresome; variety is pleasing.

Nothing exists; all is a dream. God—man—the world—the sun, the moon, the wilderness of stars—a dream, all a dream; they have no existence. Nothing exists save empty space—and you!