Quotes from Ambrose Bierce

Patriotism deliberately and with folly aforethought subordinates the interests of a whole to the interests of a part. Worse still, the fraction so favored is determined by an accident of birth or residence.

To those who view the voyage of life from the port of departure the bark that has accomplished any considerable distance appears already in close approach to the farther shore.

When God makes a beautiful woman, the devil opens a new register.

Youth is Gilead, in which is balm for every wound.

The creator and arbiter of beauty is the heart; to the male rattlesnake the female rattlesnake is the loveliest thing in nature.

Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.  

Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.

Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

Adolescence: A stage between infancy and adultery.

Dentist: a prestidigitator who, putting metal into your mouth, pulls coin out of your pocket.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

Calamity, n. A more than commonly plain and unmistakable reminder that the affairs of this life are not of our own ordering.

Zeal, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced.

Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and was arrested on the seventh.

April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

Enthusiasm - a distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience.

Ocean: A body of water occupying two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no gills.

Meekness: Uncommon patience in planning a revenge that is worth while.

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Mark how my fame rings out from zone to zone:A thousand critics shouting: "He's unknown!"

No country is so wild and difficult but men will make it a theater of war.