Quotes from Ambrose Bierce

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

I keep a conscience uncorrupted by religion, a judgment undimmed by politics and patriotism, a heart untainted by friendships and sentiments unsoured by animosities.

Heathen n. A beknighted creature who has the folly to worship something that he can see and feel.

Infidel n: in New York one who does not believe in the Christian religion in Constantinople one who does.

One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.

We submit to the majority because we have to. But we are not compelled to call our attitude of subjection a posture of respect.

The poor man's price of admittance to the favor of the rich is his self-respect.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

REFERENDUM, n. A law for submission of proposed legislation to a popular vote to learn the nonsensus of public opinion.

There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know.

Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.

The future is that period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true, and our happiness is assured.

Patriotism is fierce as a fever, pitiless as the grave, blind as a stone and as irrational as a headless hen.

A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing

WEATHER,†The climate of an hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons†whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it keenly concerned. The setting up of official weather bureaus and their maintenance in mendacity prove that even governments are accessible to suasion by the rude forefathers of the jungle

RECREATION, n. A particular kind of dejection to relieve a general fatigue.

The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.

DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.

ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.

Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.

Responsibility: A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one's neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.

Pray, v.: To ask that the laws of the universe be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.