Quotes from William Ury

I have come to the conclusion that the greatest obstacle to getting what we really want in life is not the other party, as difficult as he or she can be. The biggest obstacle is actually ourselves.

What sustains this "win-lose" mindset is a sense of scarcity, the fear that there is just not enough to go around, so we need to look out for ourselves even at the expense of others.

The other often much prefers a clear answer, even if it is No, than continued indecision and waffling.

If there is a single lesson I have learned, it is this: in life, we are destined to lose many things. That is the nature of life. Never mind. Just don't lose the present. Nothing is worth it.

You need to suspend your reaction when you feel like striking back, to listen when you feel like talking back, to ask questions when you feel like telling your opponent the answers, to bridge your differences when you feel like pushing for your way, and to educate when you feel like escalating. Breakthrough

As Martin Luther King Jr. once said, "Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

How can we get what we really want and at the same time deal with the needs of others in our lives? Perhaps no human dilemma is more pervasive or challenging.

Jiddu Krishnamurti: "To observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.

Perhaps the biggest obstacle is an internal resistance or no to life as it is: we regret the past, worry about the future, and reject our present circumstances. The key to staying in the zone is to let go of this internal resistance and accept the past, trust the future, and embrace the present, just as they are. The key, in other words, is to say yes to life.

George Bernard Shaw once observed: "People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.

To accept our past, it helps to reframe our stories and give a positive meaning to even the most difficult life events. We may have no power to change the past, but we do have the power to change the meaning we assign to it.

How many of us can honestly say that we have plumbed the depths of our minds and hearts? How many of us regularly listen to ourselves with empathy and understanding—in the supportive way that a trusted friend can?

There is a saying that goes, "If you talked to your friends the way you talk to yourself, you wouldn't have any.

The assistant stayed away from the job—withdrew her cooperation—until the boss came to his senses and accepted her No to bullying (which was actually a Yes to respect).

I used to believe that gratitude for life came from being happy, but I have come to realize that the reverse is also true, perhaps even more so: being happy comes from feeling grateful for life.

To observe without evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.

This inner yes is an unconditionally constructive attitude of acceptance and respect—first toward yourself, then toward life, and finally toward others.

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else have your way. —Daniele Vare, Italian diplomat We

For every ounce of power you use, you need to add an ounce of conciliation. Let

The research suggests that, with a few exceptions, major events or traumas that occur even three months earlier have little to no effect on our present happiness. The reason, Gilbert goes on to explain, is that we are able to make our own happiness. We change the way we see the world so that we can feel better.

There may be no better gateway to happiness than cultivating our gratitude.

Taking responsibility for your life means owning your failures and faults as well as your successes and strengths.

Take Away Their Stick If the other's reaction to our No is to hurt or threaten us, our first instinct may be to hurt them back. A more effective strategy, however, is to neutralize the impact of their behavior. If, as in the story of the Zen master, they are threatening to hit you with a stick, don't hit them back; just take away the stick. In other words, don't attack the other, but simply remove their ability to attack you.

Winston Churchill once quipped, "The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." He went on to say, "I am an optimist. It does not seem much use being anything else." Trust