Quotes from William Ury

When you say that you have a policy, you are signaling that your No is not a one-time message but an ongoing practice to which you have given a lot of thought. It is a signal of resolve, a sign that you will not budge.

When you say that you have a policy, you are signaling that your No is not a one-time message but an ongoing practice to which you have given a lot of thought. It is a signal of resolve, a sign that you will not budge. Of course, this phrase is not to be used lightly or misleadingly as a rigid adversarial position; it works when it is indeed your policy, something you have thought through.

If our life is a play, we may not be the playwright, but we can choose to be the director. We can interpret the play as we choose, able to portray ourselves either as victims of destiny or as the captains of our fate. Whether what happens to us is pure accident or not, we are the decisive factor in our life: we may not always be able to choose our circumstances, but we are able to choose our responses to them.

Feelings of dissatisfaction are the language that your needs use to communicate with you.

Não defenda suas ideias, incentive as críticas e recomendações.

The lesson . . . ," Gilbert says, "is that our longings and our worries are both to some degree overblown because we have within us the capacity to manufacture the very commodity we are constantly chasing." As Gilbert's research suggests, we may think that happiness is something to be pursued outside us, but it is actually something that we make inside.

If we don't let go of our resentment and regret, we become prisoners of the past.

In my negotiation experience, I've long noticed that the cheapest concession you can make, the one that costs you the least and yields the most, is to give respect.

The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

The Power of a Positive No describes how to say No when it is vital to stand up and protect your core interests and values. It is not just about how to say No, however, but about how to do so in a respectful and constructive manner that can potentially lead to agreement. As its subtitle indicates, it is about how to say No and still get to Yes.

He who lives not in time, but in the present, is happy. —LUDWIG VON WITTGENSTEIN

How can we get what we truly want while satisfying the needs and concerns of others in our lives—family members, work colleagues, clients, and others?

1. Put Yourself in Your Shoes. Can you notice the inner critic at work—and simply observe your thoughts and feelings without judging? What underlying needs do your feelings point to? What do you really need? 2. Develop Your Inner BATNA. Are you blaming anyone or anything for your needs not being met? What benefit does this blame provide you—and what are the costs? Can you commit to take care of your deepest needs no matter what?

3. Reframe Your Picture. Do you feel like life is in some way against you? How can you make your own happiness today? If life is challenging, can you nonetheless choose to say yes to it, just the way it is? 4. Stay in the Zone. Are you carrying any resentments about the past or anxieties about the future? What will it take to let go and accept life as it is today? What is one small step you can take to stay in the zone, where you are at your best?

5. Respect Them Even If. Are you feeling any antagonism toward anyone? What is it like to be in their shoes? Even if they are not showing you respect, can you still respect them? 6. Give and Receive. Do you feel a fear of scarcity in any situation you are currently facing? What will it take for you to change the game from taking to giving, from win-lose to win-win-win?

Instead of attacking, focused on taking away the stick.

Know thyself? If I knew myself, I'd run away. —JOHANN WOLFGANG VON GOETHE

have found that this journey from no to yes with myself is not a single trip, but ultimately a lifelong journey. I have been on this journey for a long time and expect to be on it for as long as I live.

Take the eighteenth-century general who had fallen into disfavor with the great Prussian warrior king, Frederick the Great. Coming upon the king, the general saluted him with the greatest respect, but Frederick turned his back. "I am happy to see that Your Majesty is no longer angry with me," murmured the general. "How so?" demanded Frederick. "Because Your Majesty has never in his life turned his back on an enemy," replied the general.

Take a deep breath and focus on your purpose—your Yes—in this situation. Ask yourself what you really want and what is really important here. In other words, shift from being reactive and focused on No, to being proactive and focused on Yes.

She began the conversation with Tom by acknowledging his work and then focused on the problem at hand, sticking strictly to the facts:

If, however, you would like to see the behavior change, it is more effective not to attack the person outright but to focus hard on the problematic behavior.

Instead of telling your friend, "I'm not going with you to the game," say, "I'll catch you after the game." In other words, put your focus on the positive while creating the boundary you need.

If you open a door, however, as Diane Nash did with her persistent questions, you offer the other a way out and all your power can be deployed in persuading them to take it. In short, rather than working to frustrate the other, focus on redirecting their attention to a positive outcome.