Quotes from Woody Allen

Why was it so important that I would be thought of as a child molester? Why, given my unsullied life and the sheer illogic of the allegation, would it not be met with more skepticism?

I'm just lazy.

Christ, I'm afraid of dogs. And I'm talking about all dogs, including Yorkies. You'll hate me, but I don't like pets. Naturally, I don't like being bitten and I hate being shed on, licked, or barked at. On the evolutionary scale, I always regarded all animals as failed humans. I also don't like being sung to by a canary or when fish in a tank look back at me.

the primary meaning of "Zelig" should be when one searches for a word to describe one who keeps abandoning his position and adopting the new popular one.

Her preference was to go by pistol shot, mine by placing my head in the dishwasher and pressing Full Cycle.

When I stepped back, I must say it was very amusing to view all of these people running helter-skelter to help a nutsy woman carry out a vengeful plan. So fascinating and, as I say, not a bad idea for satire.

Weide will at least have the personal good feeling of having been on the right side of a nasty issue, unlike a great number of people he had tried vainly to persuade who will no doubt be awash in assorted creative rationalizations. If it turns out there is a heaven, I believe Weide will have a good table—in the nonsmoking section.

When asked if Mia Farrow's character Hanna in Hannah and her sisters was a good sister or bad sister) SB: And now , in retrospect, have you made up your mind yet? WA: Well, in retrospect, I think she's not so nice. If you look closely, she's not as nice as you imagine.

To say that I was blown away by Mort Sahl—it would be like when I first tasted spare ribs.

I already was supporting them generously by law, but if Mia was right about Satchel being the son of Frank Sinatra, then I was really being bilked.

I'm an alarmist, not a hypochondriac

was also writing of the love-hate relationship the public has with its heroes or celebrities. One moment they want your autograph, the next they're ready to shoot you. Some

But why must I be supervised? All it does is confirm to Satchel his father is to be feared, a threat. But I loved him and wanted to see him.

This case needs a Solomon, unfortunately we got Roy Bean.

I had decided to delight the audience by playing my soprano saxophone for their delectation (years later, a music critic would describe my playing at a concert as "excruciating").

People are afraid to face how great a part of life is dependent on luck. It's scary to think so much is out of one's control. There are moments in a match when the ball hits the top of the net and for a split second it can either go forward or fall back. With a little luck it goes forward and you win. Or maybe it doesn't and you lose.

soprano saxophone for their delectation (years later

Se di tanto in tanto non hai degli insuccessi, è segno che non stai facendo nulla di davvero innovativo.

Then comes the stiff, unnatural awkward mess of a supervised visit. Meaning that instead of a father and son spending some nice time doing something together, there's always a third person right there to be sure I don't rape the poor kid.

Not long after the custody hearing Wilk died of a brain tumor, which was ironic as I was asked early on in the proceedings, by a magazine, if losing the custody of the children wasn't the worst thing that could happen to me, and I said no, the worst thing would be getting an inoperable brain tumor.

This is what's out there in matrimonial court. Guys like Judge Wilk. Capricious men with the power to regulate families.

People believe what is important for them to believe, and each person has his or her own reason, sometimes not even known to them.

If 80 percent of life is showing up, the other 80 percent, as Yogi Berra might've said, is chance.

In those days, the Stage Delicatessen on Seventh Avenue was a late-night ritual.