Quotes from Mark Twain

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

He [George Washington Cable] has taught me to abhor and detest the Sabbath-day and hunt up new and troublesome ways to dishonor it.

It has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake.

My mother had a slender, small body, but a large heart — a heart so large that everybody's joys found welcome in it, and hospitable accommodation.

I was warned to stop smoking, which I did, for two or three days, but it was too lonesome, and I have resumed — in a modified way — 4 smokes a day instead of 40. This will have a good effect. On the bank balance.

Adam was but human—this explains it all. He did not want the apple for the apple's sake, he wanted it only because it was forbidden.

Get your facts first, and then you can distort 'em as much as you please.

When angry, count to four when very angry, swear.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not; but I am getting old, and soon I shall remember only the latter.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

The trouble ain't that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain't distributed right.

The proper proportions of a maxim: a minimum of sound to a maximum of sense.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

A dollar picked up in the road is more satisfaction to us than the 99 which we had to work for, and the money won at Faro or in the stock market snuggles into our hearts in the same way.

When you cannot get a compliment in any other way pay yourself one.

Nothing seems to please a fly so much as to be taken for a currant; and if it can be baked in a cake and palmed off on the unwary, it dies happy.

The first time I ever saw St. Louis, I could have bought it for six million dollars, and it was the mistake of my life that I did not do it.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

It is in the heart that the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving heart is riches, and riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

There's millions in it!