Quotes from Ambrose Bierce

Platonic Love is a fool's name for the affection between a disability and a frost.

Acquaintance, n: a person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.

Ignoramus: a person unacquainted with certain kinds of knowledge familiar to yourself, and having certain other kinds that you know nothing about.

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Riot – A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

The slightest acquaintance with history shows that powerful republics are the most warlike and unscrupulous of nations.

Curiosity, n. An objectionable quality of the female mind. The desire to know whether or not a woman is cursed with curiosity is one of the most active and insatiable passions of the masculine soul.

Alien - an American sovereign in his probationary state.

A rabbit's foot may bring good luck to you, but it brought none to the rabbit.

Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.

Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Appeal in law: to put the dice into the box for another throw.

Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.

To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.

Painting, n: the art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic.

Commendation, n: the tribute that we pay to achievements that resemble, but do not equal, our own.

Apologize, v: to lay the foundation for a future offence.

Achievement: The death of an endeavor, and the birth of disgust.

Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.

Admiration: Our polite recognition of another man's resemblance to ourselves.

Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.