Quotes About Evolution

How great seems human progress when we consider where it began, and how insignificant, when we contemplate the goals for which itstrives.

The Earth is the cradle of humanity, but mankind cannot stay in the cradle forever.

Turkeys are peacocks that have really let themselves go.

What is Man? Man is a noisome bacillus whom Our Heavenly Father created because he was disappointed in the monkey.

The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before.

Well, evolution's just a theory.' And, I'm thinking to myself, 'Well, thank goodness gravity's a law.'

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

Helloooo? I just made some changes in my life, and if I don't get back to you as soon as possible, then guess what? You were one of those changes.

Will the highways on the Internet become more few?

I got a new shadow. I had to get rid of the other one – it wasn't doing what I was doing.

Everywhere's been where it is ever since it was first put there. It's called geography.

When something is 'new and improved', which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

Thank God for Darwin, eh?

The first prerequisite of an advanced being is a sense of humor.

All that is human must retrograde if it does not advance.

Every comic went through their Mitch Hedberg phase - the glasses, the hair in the face - and you knew immediately when they were doing it.

Sometimes, a word succeeds beyond the wildest dreams of its creators, like a virus sent into the world to infect common speech.

The comic spirit is given to us in order that we may analyze, weigh, and clarify things in us which nettle us, or which we are outgrowing, or trying to reshape

Allen's Law of Civilization: It is better for civilization to be going down the drain than to be coming up it.

The main evolutionary significance of humor is that it gets us from the closed mode to the open mode quicker than anything else.

Why are there no "during" pictures?

You know, quite a few species of fish require two or more sexual partners.

Men are not nearly as evolved as women are, nor as intelligent, evidently

After all, religion has been around a lot longer than Darwinism.