Quotes About Healing

remember the key principles: boundaries, letting go, forgiveness after feeling my feelings—not before, self-expression, loving others but loving myself, too.

the non-drinking person in a relationship with an alcoholic got just as out of control, was in just as much pain, and needed just as much healing as the alcoholic. Al-Anon

We go back . . . and back . . . and back . . . until we discover the exuberant, unencumbered, delightful and lovable child that was, and still is, in us. And once we find it, we love and cherish it, and never, never let it go.

It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves.

In the morning and throughout our day, we lovingly and gently ask ourselves what we can do for ourselves that would feel good. We ask ourselves what we need to do to take care of ourselves. When we hurt, we ask what would help us feel better.15 We give ourselves encouragement and support. We tell ourselves we can do it, we can do it good enough, and things will work out. When we make a mistake, we tell ourselves that's okay.

We're so careful to see that no one gets hurt. No one, that is, but ourselves. —AL-ANON MEMBER

Surrender to love, without allowing people to control us or keep us from caring for ourselves. Start by surrendering to love for yourself.

LOW SELF-WORTH Codependents

I still have bad days. But that's okay. I used to have bad years. —Anonymous

When I awoke, my first thoughts and feelings were painful.

Sometimes codependents were blamed; sometimes they were ignored; sometimes they were expected to magically shape up (an archaic attitude that has not worked with alcoholics and doesn't help codependents either).

Codependent No More Workbook Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps 52 Weeks of Conscious Contact Finding Your Way Home Gratitude

We try to do something each day toward recovery.

Chemical dependency destroys slowly but thoroughly

Melody Beattie

Forgiveness comes in time—in its own time—if we are striving to take care of ourselves. Don't let other people use this principle against us. Don't let other people help us feel guilty because they think we should forgive someone, and we are either not ready or believe forgiveness is not the appropriate solution.

We don't have to punish ourselves by feeling guilty to prove to God or anyone else how much we care.7 We need to forgive ourselves. Take the Fourth and Fifth Steps (see the chapter on working a Twelve Step program); talk to a clergy person; talk to God; make amends; and then be done with it.

OBSESSION Codependents

Most recovering addicts and alcoholics have codependency underneath.

Not being centered in ourselves and not feeling emotionally secure with ourselves may trap us.3 We may become afraid to terminate relationships that are dead and destructive. We may allow people to hurt and abuse us, and that is never in our best interest.

We frequently react to people who are destroying themselves; we react by learning to destroy ourselves.

The second thing that helped was stories—hearing honest accounts about how people felt, what they went through, and what helped them, not contrived stories saying how they thought they were supposed to feel and what they thought they should do. I promised myself then that if I ever came out the other end of this tunnel, I'd write a book about grief that I wouldn't have tossed across the room.

1. Finish business from our childhoods, as best as we can. Grieve. Get some perspective. Figure out how events from our childhoods are affecting what we're doing now.

You have learned that you will never learn everything there is to know," he replied. "And you have learned how to stop the pain.