Quotes from Brene Brown

Knowledge is important, but only if we're being kind and gentle with ourselves as we work to discover who we are. Wholeheartedness is as much about embracing our tenderness and vulnerability as it is about developing knowledge and claiming power.

With disappointment, we often believe the outcome was out of our control (but we're learning more about how this is

The irony is that when we're standing across from someone who is hidden or shielded by masks and armor, we feel frustrated and disconnected. That's the paradox here: Vulnerability is the last thing I want you to see in me, but the first thing I look for in you.

Last, perfectionism is not a way to avoid shame. Perfectionism is a function of shame.

We all fear pain and struggle, but they are often necessary for growth, and, more important, they don't present the level of danger that hopelessness and despair bring to us.

it's important to reality-check our nostalgic ideas by uncovering and examining the tradeoffs and contradictions that are often deeply buried in all of our memories. Were the comfort and safety of that past existence real? If so, were they at someone else's expense?

We can only belong when we offer our most authentic selves and when we're embraced for who we are.

It's easier to live disappointed than it is to feel disappointed. It feels more vulnerable to dip in and out of disappointment than to just set up a camp there. You sacrifice joy, but you suffer less pain.

Empathy is feeling with people. Sympathy is feeling for them. Empathy fuels connection. Sympathy drives disconnection. I always think of empathy as this sacred space where someone's in a deep well, and they shout out from the bottom, "It's dark and scary down here. I'm overwhelmed.

I highly recommend Kilbourne's and Katz's DVDs—they've changed the way I see the world and myself. (Jean Kilbourne's latest DVD is Killing Us Softly 4,6 and Katz's DVD is titled Tough Guise: Violence, Media, and the Crisis in Masculinity.7)

With regret, we believe the outcome was caused by our decisions or actions.

I learned how to worry more about how I felt and less about "what people might think." I was setting new boundaries and began to let go of my need to please, perform, and perfect. I started saying no rather than sure (and being resentful and pissed off later).

Men and women who have a deep sense of love and belonging believe they are worthy of love and belonging.

connections, so part of my transformation was owning and celebrating

Here's the crux of the struggle: I want to experience your vulnerability but I don't want to be vulnerable. Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me. I'm drawn to your vulnerability but repelled by mine. As

Shame becomes fear. Fear leads to risk aversion. Risk aversion kills innovation.

circumstances. We feel reduced, less capable, and lost in the face of struggle.

If we want to live a life of meaning and contribution, we have to become intentional about cultivating sleep and play. We have to let go of exhaustion, busyness, and productivity as status symbols and measures of self-worth. We are impressing no one.

Healthy-striving self-talk: "I want this for me. I want to feel better and be healthier. The scale doesn't dictate if I'm loved and accepted. If I believe that I'm worthy of love and respect now, I will invite courage, compassion, and connection into my life. I want to figure this out for me. I can do this.

Don't get too emotional, but don't be too detached either. Too emotional and you're hysterical. Too detached and you're a coldhearted bitch.

Often, leaders and executive coaches gather people together and try to teach resilience skills after there's been a setback or failure. It turns out that's like teaching first-time skydivers how to land after they hit the ground. Or, maybe worse, as they're free-falling. Our research shows that leaders who are trained in rising skills as part of a courage-building program are more likely to engage in courageous behaviors because they know how to get back up.

We either own our stories (even the messy ones), or we stand outside of them—denying our vulnerabilities and imperfections, orphaning the parts of us that don't fit in with who/what we think we're supposed to be, and hustling for other people's approval of our worthiness.

The same way you feel a muscle "burn" when it's being strengthened, the brain needs to feel some discomfort when it's learning. Your mind might hurt for a while—but that's a good thing.

You can't fully grow and contribute behind armor. It takes a massive amount of energy just to carry it around—sometimes it takes all of our energy.