Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Open your eyes and then open your eyes again.

Sometimes I really think people ought to have to pass a proper exam before they're allowed to be parents. Not just the practical, I mean.

Yes! I'm me ! I am careful and logical and I look up things I don't understand! When I hear people use the wrong words, I get edgy! I am good with cheese. I read books fast! I think ! And I always have a piece of string! That's the kind of person I am!

Just because you can explain it doesn't mean it's not still a miracle.

Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care.

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

Grinning like a necrophiliac in a morgue.

She'd become a governess. It was one of the few jobs a known lady could do. And she'd taken to it well. She'd sworn that if she did indeed ever find herself dancing on rooftops with chimney sweeps she'd beat herself to death with her own umbrella.

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

They didn't know why these things were funny. Sometimes you laugh because you've got no more room for crying. Sometimes you laugh because table manners on a beach are funny. And sometimes you laugh because you're alive, when you really shouldn't be.

I hate cats. Death's face became a little stiffer, if that were possible. The blue glow in his eye sockets flickered red for an instant. I SEE, he said. The tone suggested that death was too good for cat haters.

Books must be treated with respect, we feel that in our bones, because words have power. Bring enough words together they can bend space and time.

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.

There's always a story. It's all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything's got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.

People flock in, nevertheless, in search of answers to those questions only librarians are considered to be able to answer, such as Is this the laundry? How do you spell surreptitious? and, on a regular basis, Do you have a book I remember reading once? It had a red cover and it turned out they were twins.

I'm not the world's greatest expert, but I would have thought that the wizards, witches, trolls, unicorns, ... broomsticks and spells would have given her a clue?' - when J.K. Rowling insisted she wasn't writing fantasy.

Knowing things is magical, if other people don't know them.

I can see we're going to get along like a house on fire, said Miss Tick. There may be no survivors.

Always remember that the crowd that applauds your coronation is the same crowd that will applaud your beheading. People like a show.

And then Jack chopped down what was the world's last beanstalk, adding murder and ecological terrorism to the theft, enticement, and trespass charges already mentioned, and all the giant's children didn't have a daddy anymore. But he got away with it and lived happily ever after, without so much as a guilty twinge about what he had done...which proves that you can be excused for just about anything if you are a hero, because no one asks inconvenient questions.

Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still alive.

I DON'T HOLD WITH CRUELTY TO CATS.

He was determined to discover the underlying logic behind the universe. Which was going to be hard, because there wasn't one.