Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Luck is my middle name, " said Rincewind, indistinctly. "Mind you, my first name is Bad.

A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.

What kind of man would put a known criminal in charge of a major branch of government? Apart from, say, the average voter.

Ankh-Morpork had dallied with many forms of government and had ended up with that form of democracy known as One Man, One Vote. The Patrician was the Man; he had the Vote.

You had to hand it to the Patrician, he admitted grudgingly. If you didn't, he sent men to come and take it away.

They looked at one another in incomprehension, two minds driving opposite ways up a narrow street and waiting for the other man to reverse first.

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate.

You can't die with an unfinished book.

Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.

The intelligence of the creature known as a crowd, is the square root of the number of people in it.

I think the best thing I ever did with my life was stand up and say I've got Alzheimer's.

I know that I am a small, weak man, but I have amassed a large library; I dream of dangerous places.

No! Please! I'll tell you whatever you want to know!" the man yelled. "Really?" said Vimes. "What's the orbital velocity of the moon?" "What?" "Oh, you'd like something simpler?

The jurisdiction of a good man extends to the end of the world.

A good man will kill you with hardly a word.

What can the harvest hope for, if not for the care of the Reaper Man?

It is often said that before you die your life passes before your eyes. It is in fact true. It's called living.

If cats looked like frogs we'd realize what nasty, cruel little bastards they are. Style. That's what people remember.

Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.

Death: Human beings make life so interesting. Do you know, that in a universe so full of wonders, they have managed to invent boredom.

It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.

If you trust in yourself. . .and believe in your dreams. . .and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.

If complete and utter chaos was lightning, then he'd be the sort to stand on a hilltop in a thunderstorm wearing wet copper armour and shouting 'All gods are bastards!

Inside every sane person there's a madman struggling to get out. . . . No one goes mad quicker than a totally sane person.