Quotes from Seth Grahame-Smith

How pleasant it is to spend an evening in this way! I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading!" "Spoken like one who has never known the ecstasy of holding a still-beating heart in her hand.

Most men have no purpose but to exist, Abraham; to pass quietly through history as minor characters upon a stage they cannot even see. To be the playthings of tyrants. But you...you were born to fight tyranny.

So I suggest you stick close, pay attention, and avoid breaking the Terrorverse's only commandment: Thou shall not be stupid.

I dare say she means to keep you from his attentions. Your honour demands she be slain.

She delivered a vicious blow, penetrating his rib cage, and withdrew her hand — with the ninja's still-beating heart in it. As all but Lady Catherine turned away in disgust, Elizabeth took a bite, letting the blood run down her chin and onto her sparring gown. "Curious," said Elizabeth, still chewing. "I have tasted many a heart, but I dare say, I find the Japanese ones a bit tender." Her ladyship left the dojo without giving compliment to Elizabeth's skills.

Father may have been wanting in some things, but here he was masterful. Night upon night, I marveled at his power to hold listeners in rapt attention. He could tell a story with such detail, such flourish, that afterwards a man could swear it had been his own memory, and not a tale at all.

This is a most unfortunate affair, and will probably be much talked of. But we must stem the tide of idle chatter, and pour into our wounded bosoms the soothing balm of vengeance.

It may perhaps be pleasant, but it is sometimes a disadvantage to be so very guarded. If a woman conceals her affection with the same skill from the object of it, she may lose the opportunity.

My men have suffered greatly (from boredom), much blood has been shed (by mosquitoes), and I have swung my ax mightily (chopping firewood). Surely we have earned our place in the annals of history—for never has there been so little war in a war.

Her only fault is that she lacks sense enough to avoid falling in love with such a fool as I!

We pore through libraries, dissecting the classics" Henry Sturges- vampire

Surely life has taught you that a thing can be both beautiful and vile.

I feel rather like a rabbit that has taken a fox for its pupil.

if you're a teenaged babysitter caring for a mute toddler in a remote Maine cabin during a once-in-a-century blizzard while and escaped killers (bearing a strange resemblance to the handicapped boy you and your friends bulled of an embankment and left for dead all those years ago) roams the woods, you're probably in a horror movie.

America is thataway, Mr. Lincoln," laughed Davis, pointing north. "You're in Mississippi now.

Prolonging death was akin to prolonging an orgasm. The closer you could bring the victim to the finish line without crossing it, the better it

That is very true," replied Elizabeth, "and I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine. I dare say I would've cut his throat had not the unmentionables distracted me from doing so.

Famous murderers are only famous because they get caught. The best killers are those whose names we shall never know.

And though it would not be long before even the daft Mr. Collins would discover her condition, and be forced to behead her, she did not seem to ask for compassion. Her home and her housekeeping, her parish and her poultry, and her ever deepening lust for tender morsels of savory brains had not yet lost their charm.

It is their nature, beautiful and simple. That you would destroy such beings, Mr. Lincoln, such superior creatures, seems madness to me." "That you speak of them with such reverence, Mr. Poe, seems madness to me." "Can you imagine it? Can you imagine seeing the universe through such eyes? Laughing in the face of time and death—the world your Garden of Eden? Your library? Your harem?

For every rod of wet bamboo upon the student's back, the teacher deserves two.

I decided that it was more important to laugh than to eat.

The only certainty is that we shall never be certain.

From this moment on, nothing is what it seems. You're not a human being, you're a character- and filmmakers are doing everything in their power to kill you even now. Supernatural powers and curses are real, and numbers like 666 and 237 can kill you just as easily as a butch knife. Log cabins are slaughterhouses, cornstalks are antennas for evil, and aliens never, ever come in peace.