Quotes About Control

As Anne Lamott said, "Expectations are resentments waiting to happen." We have the tendency to visualize an entire scenario or conversation or outcome, and when things don't go the way we'd imagined, disappointment can become resentment. This often happens when our expectations are based on outcomes we can't control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they're going to react.

Being "in control" isn't always about the desire to manipulate situations, but often it's about the need to manage perception.

It's dangerous to put your self-worth in other people's hands. Again, no matter what you do, you can't control other people's responses. These are recipes for disappointment and hurt.

The goal is to learn to recognize when we are experiencing shame quickly enough to prevent ourselves from lashing out at those around us.

When looking at the attributes associated with masculinity in the US, the same researchers identified the following; winning, emotional control, risk-taking, violence, dominance, playboy, self-reliance, primacy at work, power over women, disdain for homosexuality, and pursuit of status.

We see the pain caused by the misuse of power, so we numb our pain and lose track of our own power. We become terrified of feeling pain, so we engage in behaviors that become a magnet for more pain. We run from anger and grief straight into the arms of fear, perfectionism, and the desperate need for control.

Resentment is the feeling of frustration, judgment, anger, "better than," and/or hidden envy related to perceived unfairness or injustice. It's an emotion that we often experience when we fail to set boundaries or ask for what we need, or when expectations let us down because they were based on things we can't control, like what other people think, what they feel, or how they're going to react.

Shame enters for those of us who experience anxiety because not only are we feeling fearful, out of control, and incapable of managing our increasingly demanding lives, but eventually our anxiety is compounded and made unbearable by our belief that if we were just smarter, stronger, or better, we'd be able to handle everything

The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.

I once heard Anne Lamott say, "Help is the sunny side of control." Yes

perfectionism is more about perception—we want to be perceived as perfect. Again, this is unattainable—there is no way to control perception,

Shame enters for those of us who experience anxiety because not only are we feeling fearful, out of control, and incapable of managing our increasingly demanding lives, but eventually our anxiety is compounded and made unbearable by our belief that if we were just smarter, stronger, or better, we'd be able to handle everything. Numbing here becomes a way to take the edge off of both instability and inadequacy.

It takes a lot of courage to show up and be all in when we can't control the outcome. It also takes discipline and self-awareness to understand what to share and with whom. Vulnerability is not oversharing; it is sharing with the people who earn the right to hear our stories and our experiences. Vulnerability is not a weakness; it's our greatest measure of courage." -Brené Brown

Still today, the more I pay attention to my life and the messages from the edges, the more I'm able to choose a way of life that doesn't demand constant vigilance and preparedness. And when there are things outside my control that do demand high alert—COVID, for example—I know running away from the pain and anxiety is way more

You give up a lot when you venture into an environment that you can't control and where your senses don't serve you in dependable ways.

The best definition of power comes from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. He described power as the ability to achieve our purpose and to effect change. If we question our need for power, think about this: How do you feel when you believe that you are powerless to change something in your life? Powerlessness is dangerous.

Perfectionism is more about perception than internal motivation, and there is no way to control perception, no matter how much time and energy we spend trying.

power-over as working like this: "I will define who you are and then I'll make you believe that's your own definition." This chilling explanation

sleep, working out, healthy food, cooking, time off, weekends away, going to church, being present with the kids, a sense of control over our money, meaningful work that doesn't consume us, time to piddle, time with family and close friends, and time to just hang out.

Both disappointment and regret arise when an outcome was not what we wanted, counted on, or thought would happen. With disappointment, we often believe the outcome was out of our control (but we're learning more about how this is not always the case). With regret, we believe the outcome was caused by our decisions or actions.

You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced

That's what anxiety feels like to me. Escalating loss of control, worst-case-scenario thinking and imagery, and total uncertainty.

I'm not suggesting that we worry about worry, but it's helpful to recognize that worrying is not a helpful coping mechanism, that we absolutely can learn how to control it, and that rather than suppressing worry, we need to dig into and address the emotion driving the thinking.

Unfortunately, it's been an easy formula throughout history—in politics, religion, and business—that if you can keep people afraid, and give them an enemy who is responsible for their fear, you can get people to do just about anything. This is the playbook for authoritarian leaders here and around the globe.