Quotes from Albert J. Bernstein

In graduate school, I learned this simple distinction: when people are driving themselves crazy, they have neuroses or psychoses. When they drive other people crazy, they have personality disorders.

Life offers a cruel choice: you can be right or happy. Not both. This is true regardless of whom you may be involved with, but it is especially true if there is an emotional vampire in your life.

When you try to extinguish a tantrum by ignoring it, the first response you always get is called an extinction burst. People will do whatever it is you are trying to ignore louder, longer, and more enthusiastically. This might make you believe that ignoring them isn't working, but what it actually means is that it is.

To be psychologically healthy, we have to believe that what we do has some effect on what happens to us. Even if the perception of control is delusional, it usually leads to more productive action than believing that what we do makes no difference.

Narcissistic vampires are absolutely shameless in their fantasies about how great they are and how much everybody admires them, or should.

While you're taking your minute to think, consider the possible outcomes. Immediately discard any that involve making the Bully back down and admit that you're right. You cannot be right and effective at the same time.

Emotional Vampires never grow up. Throughout their lives, they see themselves as victims of fate and the unpredictability of others. Stuff happens, and they just respond to it. As a result, they have no opportunity to learn from their mistakes, and they just keep on making the same ones over and over.

Histrionics know how to get looked at, but they don't have a clue about how to look at themselves. They often know less about their own history and motivation than about those of their favorite television characters. Histrionics' selective memories make their lives into a series of vivid but unconnected events, no more related to one another than the programs broadcast on a given night.

All vampires use self-hypnosis to avoid seeing themselves as they really are, but Histrionics are virtuosos of self-deception. Like stage magicians, they divert their own awareness away from the strings and wires that hold their personalities together. They simply do not see anything in themselves that they consider inappropriate or unlovable. Their image of themselves is like a series of attractive still photos, scenes from a movie with no overall plot to hold them together.

With no objective support whatsoever, Narcissistic Legends see themselves as more talented and intelligent than other people. They are expert in finding small ponds that will let them be big fish, and extorting Narcissistic supplies from people whose need to be needed is as great as their vampiric need to be adored.

Don't Be Afraid to Ask for What You Want. "I'd really like a part in the school play. " Forget about working so hard and doing such a good job that people come to you with opportunities. In the real world, people get very little that they don't ask for.

Not only do Histrionics not understand themselves; they don't have a clue why anyone does anything. Their understanding of psychology and physics is often tinged with magic. They may believe that things happen because of the alignment of stars, the vibrations of crystals, or the intervention of guardian angels. If you suggest otherwise, they'll just think you're crazy.

Regular praise for even the smallest of accomplishments is the only thing that keeps Ham-it-up Histrionics anywhere near copacetic. Don't waste your breath on criticism of any sort. Histrionics will always believe that the problem is with your perception rather than their behavior. Anyway, if you remember the praise, you can pretty much forget about everything else.

Conspicuous Boredom Unless the subject of the conversation is how great they are, Narcissistic vampires will become visibly bored. One of the main reasons Narcissists wear expensive watches is so they can look at them when someone else is talking. Besides boredom, Narcissistic vampires have only two other emotional states. They're either on top of the world or on the bottom of the garbage heap. The slightest frustration can burst their balloon and send them crashing to the depths.

The bottom line is this: With Narcissistic Superstars everything is always a transaction. If you want to get anything for yourself, you have to be as much like one of these stores as possible. Look good, suck up, and price yourself way above the market. Always remember that the more something costs, the more vampire Superstars will want it.

Narcissistic Superstars seldom become beloved leaders. The reason is that they don't understand their followers well enough to inspire trust and loyalty. In the world of Superstars, other people come in two distinct types: those who have something the vampires want, and those who are beneath notice. Superstars can seldom resist the temptation to point out to little people just how little they are.

When Narcissists want something from people, they actually see them as great and wonderful. That's why their hypnosis is so effective. Once Superstars get what they want, their perceptions return to what, for them, is normal—seeing ordinary people as inadequate. The problem is that the people they seduce may still be laboring under the delusion that they are as special as the Superstars said they were.

Narcissistic Superstars are as vain about their management skills as they are about everything else. They'd like to inspire the fall-on-my-sword-for-you sort of loyalty that they believe to be the mark of great leadership. Actually, they're far more likely to make people want to stab them, or merely go away and work somewhere else. Superstars seldom admit it, but their failure to inspire loyalty hurts their managerial egos.

Narcissistic Superstars and Passive-Aggressive Histrionics are a match made in hell. Each can cause the other to escalate into spasms of self-destruction. If you ever have to deal with Superstar anger, the most important thing to remember is not to respond the way a Passive-Aggressive Histrionic would.

Superstars will not give you anything because you deserve it. In their world they are the only ones who deserve anything. They will, however, give a great deal to get something they want. It makes sense, then, to always know what they want and to make Superstars pay for it by giving you what you want.

The signs to watch out for are the combination of seeing the person as special and experiencing instant rapport. Narcissistic Superstars create an alternate reality in which they are the greatest, and you will be the greatest too if you just give them what they want. In their world, all you're supposed to want in return is the pleasure of their company. They work hard to make you see them as special enough to be exempt from the rules that apply to other people.

If you want to be successful with Superstars, you have to compete in their league and play by their rules. If you do, however, there is a very real danger that you will become like them. With their bites, Superstars create more new vampires than do all the other vampire types combined. Don't enter their world unless you know how to get out. Many have been lost.

Considering themselves is what Narcissists do best. The trait they most conspicuously lack is concern for the needs, thoughts, and feelings of other people.

Emotional Vampires are not intrinsically evil, but their immaturity allows them to operate without thinking about whether their actions are good or bad. Vampires see other people as potential sources for whatever they happen to need at the moment, not as separate human beings with needs and feelings of their own. Rather than evil itself, vampires' perceptual distortion is a doorway through which evil may easily enter.