Quotes from Amy Schumer

I hope that the next time you go to a concert, the band doesn't play the song you wanna hear! And instead, they just play songs off their new album!

I've always been really dark, and drawn to darker humor. Nothing has been forced, and I don't say anything for shock value.

I want people to live to their full potential, not to hold themselves back because of insecurities, and especially not women. I see too much of that.

A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be really tough. The second you show a crack, the audience can literally leave.

Being introverted, it doesn't mean necessarily being shy or being afraid of public speaking; it just means that it's hard for me to interact with people for too long.

The truth is, whoever I've dated, if I've ever wanted to talk about them on stage, I've asked them first, and I've gotten their permission to tell a story or talk about them before I do it.

I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It's not true. I'm right where I should be.

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

Happiness can't start with external stuff, whether that's money or success or your body.

Want me to Stevie Wonder my way to the bathroom?

I have gotten death threats - that was scary. But it just made me want to use my voice more.

To me, feminism means equality between men and women. I want to make people laugh and also point out some injustices or inequalities I see.

I'll never forget the day I realized I wasn't quite the Ford model I thought I was.

I think standup is pretty good for an introvert because you are performing, but, I mean, it's on your own terms. There are so many people in the room, but it's a one-sided conversation. And you actually don't have to interact - unless you want to.

Some men's magazines are just downright offensive.

All my friends are getting married. I guess I'm just at that age where people give up.

To be really great, you need to be naturally funny in order to stand out. But you can work at it, and find the best vehicle that you have to communicate what you're saying to people.

I tend to eat pretty healthy, though, and I work out - I work out hard.

I have a healthy relationship with food. My problem is, as a comic, I eat dinner late. But I'll have a smoothie for breakfast every morning, and I keep it pretty low-carb and healthy during the day. At night, I'll have a basic protein, quinoa, and vegetables.

I am very into making up my own rules.

We had to break up, though. We wanted different things - like he wanted kids and I wanted him to hear.

Nothing good ever happens in a blackout. I've never woken up and been like, 'What is this Pilates mat doing out?'

Don't feel bad for me. I think I'm, like, so pretty.

I just say what I think is the funniest thing I could say. I'm not trying to make headlines. I'm just trying to say the stuff that I think is funny and will make people laugh.