Quotes from A. P. Herbert

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

Men who would face torture without a word become blasphemous at the short fourteenth. It is clear that the game of golf may well be included in that category of intolerable provocations which may legally excuse or mitigate behaviour not otherwise excusable.

Thank heaven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.

The critical period of matrimony is breakfast-time.

The whole Constitution has been erected upon the assumption that the King not only is capable of doing wrong but is more likely to do wrong than other men if he is given the chance.

Don't let's go to the dogs tonight, For mother will be there.

Greenfly, it's difficult to see Why God, who made the rose, made thee.

As my poor father used to say In 1963, Once people start on all this Art Goodbye, moralitee! And what my father used to say Is good enough for me.

Thank heaven I have given up smoking again! . . . God! I feel fit. A different man. Irritable moody depressed rude perhaps . . . but the lungs are fine.

An act of God was defined as something which no reasonable man could have expected.

People must not do things for fun. We are not here for fun. There is no reference to fun in any Act of Parliament.

I am sure that the party system is right and necessary. There must be some scum.

If nobody said anything unless he knew what he was talking about, a ghastly hush would descend upon the earth.

An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose.

The Englishman never enjoys himself except for a noble purpose.

A high-brow is someone who looks at a sausage and thinks of Picasso.

The concept of two people living together for 25 years without a serious dispute suggests a lack of spirit only to be admired in sheep.

This high official, all allow, is grossly overpaid; there wasn't any Board, and now there isn't any Trade.

A dull speaker, like a plain woman, is credited with all the virtues, for we charitably suppose that a surface so unattractive must be compensated by interior blessings.

The Common Law of England has been laboriously built about a mythical figure-the figure of 'The Reasonable Man'.

aven, I have given up smoking again!... God! I feel fit. Homicidal, but fit. A different man. Irritable, moody, depressed, rude, nervy, perhaps; but the lungs are fine.

Let's find out what everyone is doing, And then stop everyone from doing it.