Quotes from Terry Pratchett

But can't you just wave your hand and make all the dirt fly away, then? [...] That works, but only if you wave them about on the floor with a scrubbing brush.

GENERALLY PEOPLE LIKE TO MOVE ON, Death hinted. THEY LOOK FORWARD TO AN AFTERLIFE. "I Will Stay Here, Please." HERE? THERE'S NOTHING TO DO HERE, said Death. "Yes, I Know," said the ghost of the golem. "It Is Perfect. I Am Free.

It was, in fact, one of those places that exist merely so that people can have come from them. The universe is littered with them: hidden villages, windswept little towns under wide skies, isolated cabins on chilly mountains, whose only mark on history is to be the incredibly ordinary place where something extraordinary started to happen. Often there is no more than a little plaque to reveal that, against all gynecological probability, someone very famous was born halfway up a wall.

In fact, it really wasn't her problem. How nice to find a problem that wasn't yours.

Tell me, Leonard,' he said. 'Has it ever occurred to you that one day wars will be fought with brains?' Leonard picked up his coffee cup. 'Oh dear. Won't that be rather messy?' he said.

If you would seek war, prepare for war.'" "I believe, my lord, the saying is 'If you would seek peace, prepare for war,'" Leonard ventured. Vetinari put his head on one side and his lips moved as he repeated the phrase to himself. Finally he said, "No, no. I just don't see that one at all.

Angua picked out the bottle and looked at the label. C.M.O.T. Dibbler's Genuine Authentic Soggy Mountain Dew, she read. He's going to die! It says, 'One hundred and fifty per cent proof'! Nah, that's just old Dibbler's advertising, said Nobby. It ain't got no proof . Just circumstantial evidence.

What shall we do?' said Twoflower. 'Panic?' said Rincewind hopefully. He always held that panic was the best means of survival; back in the olden days, his theory went, people faced with hungry sabre-toothed tigers could be divided very simply into those who panicked and those who stood there saying 'What a magnificent brute!' and 'Here, pussy.

Don't force me to draw my own conclusions. I do have a very big pencil.

It felt like those treasured moments in bed when you're just awake enough to know that you're still nicely asleep.

Where there are policemen there's crime, sergeant, remember that.

He'll just track us down and follow us and then he'll kill Carrot! Why? Because Carrot's mine!

Anyone can rise if they have enough yeast.

Thunder rolled…   It is said that the gods play games with the lives of men. But what games, and why, and the identities of the actual pawns, and what the game is, and what the rules are—who knows? Best not to speculate. Thunder rolled… It rolled a six.

He had spent years in search of boredom, but had never achieved it. Just when he thought he had it in his grasp his life would suddenly become full of near-terminal interest.

Now we sing dis stupid song! Sing it as we run along! Why we sing dis we don't know! We can't make der words rhyme prop'ly!

She considered that the future was a frail enough thing at best, and if people looked at it hard they changed it. Granny had some quite complex theories about space and time

He enjoyed reading and writing. He liked words. Words didn't shout or make loud noises, which pretty much defined the rest of his family. They didn't involve getting muddy in the freezing cold. They didn't hunt inoffensive animals, either. They did what he told them to. So, he'd said, he wanted to write.

Of course, like druids everywhere they believed in the essential unity of all life, the healing power of plants, the natural rhythm of the seasons and the burning alive of anyone who didn't approach all this in the right frame of mind.

They live their lives as a sort of temporal blur around the point where their body actually is – anticipating the future, or holding on to the past. They're usually so busy thinking about what happens next that the only time they ever find out what is happening now is when they come to look back on it.

And what do they talk about beyond the barricade, my little lad?" "Um…well, Justice an' Truth an' Freedom and stuff," said Nobby. "Aha. Rebel talk!" said Carcer, straightening up. "Is it?" said the major. "Take it from me, major," said Carcer. "When you get a bunch of people using words like that, they're up to no good.

YOU WILL NOT TELL THE RIVERS NOT TO FLOW. YOU WILL NOT TELL THE SUN NOT TO SHINE. YOU WILL NOT TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT DO.

The road, Hwel felt, had to go somewhere. This geographical fiction has been the death of many people. Roads don't necessarily have to go anywhere, they just have to have somewhere to start.

You humans are so good at ignoring things. You are almost blind and almost deaf. You look at a tree and see…just a tree, a stiff weed. You don't see its history, feel the pumping of the sap, hear every insect in the bark, sense the chemistry of the leaves, notice the hundred shades of green, the tiny movements to follow the sun, the subtle growth of wood...