Quotes from Terry Pratchett

It struck Mort with sudden, terrible poignancy that Death must be the loneliest creature in the universe. In the great party of Creation, he was always in the kitchen.

And when the Patrician was unhappy, he became very democratic. He found intricate and painful ways of spreading that unhappiness as far as possible.

It may help to understand human affairs to be clear that most of the great triumphs and tragedies of history are caused, not by people being fundamentally good or fundamentally bad, but by people being fundamentally people.

Sometimes the crime follows the punishment, which only serves to prove the foresight of the Great God. That's what my grandmother used to say, said Brutha automatically. Indeed? I would like to know more about this formidable lady. She used to give me a thrashing every morning because I would certainly do something to deserve it during the day, said Brutha. A most complete understanding of the nature of mankind

Even in a dream, even at a posh ball, the Nac Mac Feegle knew how to behave. You charged in madly, and you screamed... politely. Lovely weather for the time o' year, is it not, ye wee scunner! Hey, jimmy, ha' ye no got a pommes frites for an ol'pal? The band is playin' divinely, I dinna think! Make my caviar deep-fried, wilya?

WHO KNOWS WHAT EVIL LURKS IN THE HEART OF MEN? The Death of Rats looked up from the feast of the potato. SQUEAK, he said. Death waved a hand dismissively. WELL, YES, OBVIOUSLY ME, he said. I JUST WONDERED IF THERE WAS ANYONE ELSE.

There was no safety. There was no pride. All there was, was money. Everything became money, and money became everything. Money treated us as if we were things, and we died.

The city's full of people who you just see around.

He thought about how it might be to be, say, a fox confronted with an angry sheep. A sheep moreover, that could afford to employ wolves.

You call yourself some kind of goddess and you know nothing, madam, nothing. What don't die can't live. What don't live can't change. What don't change can't learn. The smallest creature that dies in the grass knows more than you.

you were so worried about legal and illegal that you never stopped to think about whether it was right or wrong.

Well,----me," he said. "A----ing wizard. I hate----ing wizards!" "You shouldn't----them, then," muttered one of his henchmen, effortlessly pronouncing a row of dashes.

Pollution removed his helmet and shook out his long white hair. He had taken over when Pestilence, muttering about penicillin, had retired in 1936.

See a pin and pick it up, and, all day long, you'll have a pin.

The important thing about adventures, thought Mr. Bunnsy, was that they shouldn't be so long as to make you miss mealtimes.

Look, sir, I know Angua. She's not the useless type. She doesn't stand there and scream helplessly. She makes other people do that.

If you put butter and salt on it, it tastes like salty butter.

You can't go around building a better world for people. Only people can build a better world for people. Otherwise it's just a cage.

But that was just it - hate was exactly the right word. Hate is a force of attraction. Hate is just love with its back turned.

But the helmet had gold decoration, and the bespoke armorers had made a new gleaming breastplate with useless gold ornamentation on it. Sam Vimes felt like a class traitor every time he wore it. He hated being thought of as one of those people that wore stupid ornamental armor. It was gilt by association.

When people say things are a lot more complicated than that, they means they're getting worried that they won't like the truth.

We sleepwalk through our lives, because how could we live if we were always this awake?

Life is a trick, and you get one chance to learn it.

The more you think about it, the more amazing the everyday world of human beings becomes: most of it doesn't actually exist at all.