Quotes from Terry Pratchett

If you left off traditions because you didn't know why they started you'd be no better than a foreigner.

There was the faintest of sounds, as of a gnat yawning.

It is true that words have power, and one of the things they are able to do is get out of someone's mouth before the speaker has the chance to stop them.

In order to enhance the occult aspects of herself, Julia had begun to wear far too much handbeaten silver jewelry and green eyeshadow. She felt she looked haunted and gaunt and romantic, and she would have, if she had lost another thirty pounds. She was convinced that she was anorexic, because every time she looked in the mirror she did indeed see a fat person.

Nevertheless, to question authority is not, in principle, to attack it, although authority always assumes that this is the case since authority must repeatedly establish its right to rule; and if this is done by force, then it turns out that it was a tyranny all along. Good heavens, I can't believe I am preaching this to an audience of Irishmen! Just think about it: a quarter of an hour of rational thinking and an Englishman turns into an Irishman.

The truth shall make thee fret

The UU Professor of Anthropics had developed the Special and Inevitable Anthropic Principle, which was that the entire reason for the existence of the universe was the eventual evolution of the UU Professor of Anthropics. But this was only a formal statement of the theory which absolutely everyone, with only some minor details of a "Fill in name here" nature, secretly believes to be true.

They couldn't do anything worse to him than he had coming to him already. He felt free at last.

God does not play games with His loyal servants," said the Metatron, but in a worried tone of voice. "Whooo-eee," said Crowley. "Where have you been?

They tended to wield the huge blunt ax of the law in circumstances that required the delicate scalpel of common sense. [...] Policeman with their great big boots were not required here on a night like this. It would be a good idea to put a thumbtack under the ponderous feet of Justice.

They're inventive, I'll grant you. But what I meant was...I mean...they've done nothing to deserve it." " Deserve? They're human . What's deserve got to do with it?

It had, however, been declared by his own physician to be a case of natural causes. Bentzen had gone to see the man and explained that falling down a flight of steps with a dagger in your back was a disease caused by an unwise opening of the mouth.

They turned and looked him up and down. He could see the disdain in their eyes. They probably got through dozens like him every day. "Not got a daughter?" said one of them. "Wants people to kill dragons and he hasn't got a daughter?" Vimes felt, in an odd way, that he ought to support the lord of the city. "He's got a little dog that he's very fond of," he said helpfully.

Never trust a woman who gives funny names to means of transport.

Don't worry," said Swires. "The old witch hasn't been seen for years. They say she was done up good and proper by a couple of young tearaways." "Kids of today," commented Rincewind. "I blame the parents," said Twoflower.

There's nothing more useless in the world than a groom just before the wedding.

You are aware, are you, that painting a few stars on a perfectly ordinary broomstick doesn't mean it will get airborne?

Particles of raw inspiration sleet through the universe all the time. Every once in a while one of them hits a receptive mind, which then invents DNA or the flute sonata form or a way of making light bulbs wear out in half the time.

It's a well-known fact. It's well known at the organic level, like a lot of other well-known facts which overrule the observations of the senses. This is because if people went around noticing everything that was going on all the time, no one would ever get anything done.*

You're- you're not going to force me to go back are you? he said. Um? said the duke. He waved his hand irritably. No, no, he said. Not at all. Just call in at the torturer on your way out. See when he can fit you in.

At times like this it's traditional that a hero comes forth, said the President of the Guild of Assassins. A dragon slayer. Where is he, that's what I want to know? Why aren't our schools turning out young people with the skills society needs?

And then there was the young male walk. At least women swung only their hips. Young men swung everything, from the shoulders down. You have to try to occupy a lot of space. It makes you look bigger, like a tomcat fluffing his tail. The boys tried to walk big in self-defense against all those other big boys out there. I'm bad, I'm fierce, I'm cool, I'd like a pint of shandy and me mam wants me home by nine.

Uh. . . why does your partner keep saying 'ing.' Mr Pin? ... Speech impediment.' said Pin.

No swamp dragon could ever terrorise a kingdom, except by accident. Vimes wondered how many had been killed by enterprising heroes. It was terribly cruel to do something like that to creatures whose only crime was to blow themselves absent-mindedly to pieces in mid-air, which was not something any individual dragon made a habit of. A race of, of whittles , that's what dragons were. Born to lose. Live fast, die wide.