Quotes from Terry Pratchett

Same with gorillas. Whoops, they say, sky gone all red, stars crashing to ground, what they putting in the bananas these days?

Nevertheless, he picked up a piece of smashed chair. It had splintered nicely. And the nice thing about a stake through the heart was that it also worked on non-vampires.

Vimes stuck his helmet under his arm, smoothed back his hair, and knocked. He'd considered asking Sargent Colon to accompany him, but had brushed the idea aside quickly. He couldn't have tolerated the sniggering. Anyway, what was there to be afraid of? He'd stared into the jaws of death three times; four, if you included telling Vetinari to shut up.

In thirty seconds you will wake up, said Aziraphale, to the entranced ex-nun. And you will have had a lovely dream about whatever you like best, and— Yes, yes, fine, sighed Crowley. Now can we go?

This was, after all, Ankh-Morpork, where a man walked free even if he was not, strictly speaking, a man.

Wizards don't believe in gods. They didn't deny their existence, of course. They just didn't believe. It was nothing personal; they weren't actually rude about it. Gods were a visible part of narrativium that made things work, that gave the world its purpose. It was just that they were best avoided close up.

He held the flag like a banner of defiance. 'You can take our lives but you'll never take our freedom!' he screamed. Carcer's men looked at one another, puzzled by what sounded like the most badly thought-out war cry in the history of the universe.

She sighed again. She was familiar with the syndrome. They said they wanted a soulmate and helpmeet but sooner or later the list would include a skin like silk and a chest fit for a herd of cows.

When it came down to it and the life-or-death decision had to be made, then it was made by you, because you were the witch. And sometimes it wasn't a decision between a good thing or a bad thing, but a decision between to bad things: no right choices, just... choices.

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

That was a cinematic trick adapted for print. Death wasn't talking to the princess. He was actually in his study, talking to Mort. But it was quite effective, wasn't it? It's probably called a fast dissolve, or a crosscut/zoom. Or something. An industry where a senior technician is called a Best Boy might call it anything.)

I dinna like this, Rob,' said a Feegle. 'It's too quiet.' 'Aye, Slightly Sane Georgie, it is that-' 'You are my sunshine, my only su-' 'Daft Wullie!' snapped Rob, without taking his eyes off the strange landscape. The singing stopped. 'Aye, Rob?' said Daft Wullie from behind him. 'Ye ken I said I'd tell ye when ye wuz guilty o' stupid and inna-pro-pre-ate behavior?' 'Aye, Rob,' said Daft Wullie. 'That wuz another one o' those times, wuz it?' 'Aye.

The hated have no reason to love.

Often there is no more than a little plaque to reveal that, against all gynaecological probability, someone very famous was born halfway up a wall.

Yes, but nomes aren't hard to make," said Dorcas. "You just need other nomes." "You're weird.

If he was going to be boiled for a lamb, then he might as well be roasted for a sheep.

If you thought hard enough, he'd always considered, you could work out everything. The wind, for example. It had always puzzled him until the day he'd realized that it was caused by all the trees waving about.

That doesn't sound very reliable to me, said the druid nastily. How can a book know what day it is? Paper can't count.

Particles of raw inspiration sleet through the universe all the time. Every once in a while one of them hits a receptive mind, which then invents DNA or the flute sonata form or a way of making light bulbs wear out in half the time. But most of them miss. Most people go through their lives without being hit by even one. Some people are even more unfortunate. They get them all.

with the expression of one who knows that the light at the end of the tunnel is an oncoming train.

News is unusual things happening— And usual things happening [...] But news is mainly what someone somewhere doesn't want you to put in the paper— Except that sometimes it isn't [...] News, [...] all depends. But you'll know it when you see it.

I was a drunk. You have to be richer than I was to be an alcoholic.

MERE ACCUMULATION OF OBSERVATIONAL EVIDENCE IS NOT PROOF.

It is forbidden to fight on the Killing Ground, he said, and paused while he considered the sense of this. You know what I mean anyway...