Quotes from Andy Kindler

I'm tired of demographic appeal being more important than talent. I want to fight against that.

I'm still working on my time machine. If I ever perfect it, I'm going back in time to prevent Ace Ventura 2 from being made. And then I'm going after Hitler.

I'm still doing what I've always wanted to do, and how big it gets or how much money I make for it or how popular I am in the public's eye is really not that important, even though it's hard to let that go.

I can open up any can of worms and get people upset.

I'm on a mission. If I can make even one person not enjoy something they're currently enjoying, it's all worth it!

I will say that I wasn't susceptible to Tony Robbins-like pitches, even as a younger man.

I have to say, after hanging out with Republicans for four days, I want to take a look at my own birth certificate. I don't think I was born in this country.

You can't go wrong with pizza, unless it's terrible pizza.

I love whenever they downgrade a hurricane to a tropical depression, because I always think of a tropical depression as how I feel three songs into a Jimmy Buffett concert.

I wanted to like 'Up in the Air' - I like Jason Reitman - but Vera Farmiga left me cold.

My goal is to be exactly how I am offstage - although I realize I'm supposed to punctuate it with jokes.

There are so many people who just want a flashy object in front of their eyes and don't want to think at all; I find that disturbing.

My big fear is that I'll put down so many people, I'll have to leave show biz.

I do notice a lot of people who want to shock to get laughs. It's such a tricky thing; you don't want to make rules about it. There's nobody more hilarious than Dave Attell, and he'd break every rule you set up. But he's funny.

I have a true love for the old style of Catskill comic. There's a joy in discovering a bad joke... and then there's the joy of delivering it like, 'Isn't this a hacky joke?'

I've sold a lot of different product. Very briefly, I sold Time Life Books on the phone.

I sold door to door for a couple years. As the years recede from the event, I remember less about it, which is probably good for my mind. It was home improvement in Cerritos California, Buena Park, that area.

I did not sell Amway, but I sold Shaklee, which was an Amway-type product sold through multi-level marketing.

I'm interested in Jeff Bridges. I love that guy. And I did like Carey Mulligan in 'An Education.' And I love Meryl Streep, but if they could ban 'Julie & Julia,' I'd be in favor of that.

I always had a tremendous amount of rage about the business, and I thought turning that into comedy was healthy.

The Comedy Bar is an intimate club, which I prefer. I refuse to play theatres, because large empty spaces make me nervous, and I don't enjoy the echo. I'm no sell out. Literally.

I have so many strong opinions on the entertainment industry, but if I'm in a deli somewhere, and someone says they love that Adam Sandler movie where he dresses up as his twin sister - well, I don't want to make people feel bad for how they feel about things. I'm always courteous, not mean.

I actually performed at an orthodox Jewish wedding, where the men were separated from the women, but they both came together to not enjoy what I was talking about.

I think that most people will spend their whole life not figuring out what they're meant to do, or figuring out what they're meant to do on their way to do something else. So I just feel lucky that I know what I love to do. Everything else figures itself out.