Quotes from Albert Brooks

I come from the place where I am thinking 'I have put my blood on the pages.'

I'm not Elvis. I don't get chased by paparazzi.

Nobody will leave any place unless they're forced out. That's the nature of humans. Once you're there, you're there. I've never seen anybody get up voluntarily and leave any place.

I like the acting. It's how I started, and I sort of feel that if I don't give it a little shot now, and I go back, then I'm pretty much done with it. I mean, at what age am I going to do it at? Although, when you see Christopher Plummer and Max von Sydow doing it, I guess the answer is 80.

My humor is traced with dark - I've got dark patches all over the place.

If we had 3 million exhibitionists and only one voyeur, nobody could make any money.

I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny.

You know what I've always wanted to do? I've always wanted to put a lung in a suitcase and send it through an airport security check. In effect, the guard would be looking at an X-ray of a lung.

'Drive' came to me because the casting director knew my manager and called and said, 'You've always talked to me about Albert wanting to play the heavy. I think he should read this.' My ears just perked up.

I'm not a big fan of the post-Armageddon stories, where Denzel Washington is walking around in a torn coat.

Bullfights are hugely popular because you can sit comfortably with a hot dog and possibly watch a man die. It wont be me, but I can sit comfortably and watch it.

I've seen the future! It's a bald-headed man from New York!

Film is the cheapest part of the movie making process. The expense is the 100-man crew and the financing and everything.

It's better to be known by six people for something you're proud of than to be known by sixty million for something you're not.

When you use more than 3-5% of your brain, you don't want to be on Earth!"-Bob Diamond, Interdimensional Attorney, from the Albert Brooks' movie, Defending Your Life

If you look at the best-seller list for American fiction, they're all sequels to detective stories or stories about hunting serial killers. That's what's called American fiction these days.

I had a very wise person tell me that he thinks marriage, when you're younger, you keep thinking you can fix things. That's what people do. And you can't really fix anything. It shouldn't be a massive difficult thing every day. Life's difficult enough.

By the way, movies are like sporting events in that you're as good as the movie you're in. You can sit in a room for 20 years and go do a movie and you can just kill in it and you move to the head of the line again. By the same token, you can do five movies a year and if they're dreck, it's nothing.

I think anger and laughter are very close to each other, when you think about it.

Movies are an expensive business.

I don't want to be the one to break it to you, but the future ain't that funny.

I'd still like to see 'Survivor' minus the planned show-biz parts. That would be the purest form of show business - I want to see someone so hungry that they eat somebody else's foot.

Even though my father was a radio comedian, it wasn't cool to say, at a young age, 'I want to be a comedian.'

My mom was a professional. My dad and mom met each other in a movie called 'New Faces of 1937.' My mom went under the name Thelma Leeds, and she did a few movies, and she was really a great singer, and when she married my dad and started to have a family, she sang at parties.