Quotes from Al Franken

We need to prepare our kids for a 21st Century economy, and we're not doing it with our schools.

I felt like the luckiest kid in the world. And I was. I was growing up middle-class in a time when growing up middle-class in America meant there would be jobs for my parents, good schools for me to prepare myself for a career, and, if I worked hard and played by the rules, a chance for me to do anything I wanted.

My daughter became a teacher right out of college.

I think that the default for collecting any kind of personal data should be opt-in consent.

I'm sure I've devoted enough thought to Rush Limbaugh for one lifetime.

The Medicare Part D prescription drug bill, which might be the most corrupt piece of legislation in history, was a huge giveaway of taxpayer funds to the big pharmaceutical companies.

My dad always told me to stand up to bullies, and Bill O'Reilly is kind of a bully, and he's the kind of kid who hits other kids on the playground. And when you hit him, he runs to the teacher and says, 'Teacher, sue him.'

As the polls began closing in the East, with states like New Hampshire, Pennsylvania, and Virginia going for Barack Obama, it was quickly becoming clear that this would be an especially bad night for racists all across the country.

No whining on the yacht.

I know this seems quaint, but back in 2008, Republicans did not consider demeaning and degrading women to be senatorial, let alone presidential.

If we don't start caring about whether people tell the truth or not, it's going to be literally impossible to restore anything approaching reasonable political discourse.

I complained about it to Tim Kaine. Flake gave me this stupid hat. This is the worst Secret Santa gift ever. What was he thinking? Staff error, said Tim. He's really smart. And would make a great vice president. Goddammit. Now I'm depressed. Let's move on.

So I've always been interested in politics. And I thank my parents for that. As you can see, there's a strong element of moral indignation behind this interest, and indignation is well and good in doses, but I noticed fairly early in life that some people live to find stuff to be indignant about. And it's pretty unattractive. That's why I decided to become a wiseass.

Paul's greatest contribution to the progressive cause wasn't what he accomplished in the senate, although he accomplished a lot. It's the way he inspired others to take action, and taught them to be effective, and gave them the confidence to stand up and shout about what they believed it.

The people of Minnesota value a politician who believes what he says and says what he believes and votes that way.

Having children is life's greatest joy. But there are some people, and maybe you are one of them, who don't like kids, and consider travel life's greatest joy. You shouldn't have kids. Don't have them.

Politics is not just about power and money games, politics can be about the improvement of people's lives, about lessening human suffering in our world and bringing about more peace and more justice. -Paul Wellstone (Minnesota Senator, Al Franken predecessor)

Simply put, once married you will no longer give a shit about how you look. What's more, personal appearance can be a handy arena in which to punish your spouse passive aggressively by allowing your own appearance to deteriorate.

Reid interrupted. "What kind of jokes are we talking about?" We all looked at each other, not sure what to say. Reid tried again, looking at his notes. "It says here, 'Franken made jokes about the Holocaust.' What does that mean?" Diane handed our poll to Harry and pointed to the joke we had tested: "I think a bad Hanukkah gift for Anne Frank would have been a drum set."*

politics is about the improvement of people's lives." I

since I got into politics, I still think I have the best job in the world (some days) and why, despite the rise of Trump, I'm still (kind of) optimistic about our future (most of the time [albeit certainly less than I was a few months ago]). —Al Franken Washington

Also, like Bush, Bauer is open to a little good-natured ribbing. Even about his religion. According to Prophecy, at the moment of the Rapture everyone who has taken Christ as his savior will immediately ascend to heaven. So if you're in an airplane, and your pilot has accepted Christ, you're in trouble.

we senators get recesses, but Senate recesses aren't really breaks. They're just periods of time where we're doing different kinds of work, like traveling around our states meeting with people, or raising money, or going overseas on the jam-packed congressional trips known as CODELs (congressional delegations).*

Either way, senators certainly do a lot less drugs than we did at SNL.