Quotes from Andy Griffiths

Once upon a slime, there was a disgusting princess called Mud Brown. She lived in a stinking bog with seven slobs called Stinky, Filthy, Snotty

Messy, Grubby, Sloppy, and Robert.

I hate you, Andy,' says Jen. 'I really HATE you. I REALLY, REALLY HATE YOU!' 'Jen!' says Mum, coming into the room with a cup of tea in one hand and a crossword puzzle book in the other. 'What an awful thing to say to your brother! Apologise to him this instant!' 'But, Mum …' says Jen. 'No buts,' says Mum. 'There's no excuse for speaking like that. Apologise right now!

What demands an answer but asks no question? A A telephone.

Hey, I know,' says Terry. 'Why don't

Yes it is," says the monster.

but how are you going to get the rocks into her pack without her seeing?' 'I'm not going to put the rocks in her pack,' I say. 'You are.' 'Me?' says Danny. 'What

race. She drives in close and uses her wheel spike to destroy Terencius's wheel.

If you're like most of our readers, you're probably wondering where we get all the ideas for our books from. Well, sometimes we think them up. Other times they are based on stuff that actually happens. Like this book, for instance. It all started one morning when I got up and went down to get some breakfast.

Terry shrugged. "Nah, not really," he said. "Sea-monkeys aren't that interesting after all." "Never mind," I said. "Let's get back to work." Soon we were back at our table, about to start work on the next story, when we heard a loud crash.

Beatrix is kneeling beside him, fanning his face. 'Are you okay, Boris?' says Beatrix. 'Never felt better!' says Boris, suddenly leaping up and stretching out to his full height.

OPEN THE TREEHOUSE DOOR OR ELSE!

shoelace caught in an escalator.

waves to surf …

my Ninja Snails. 'Watch this!' 'Attack!' 'Fly!

About Treehouse Tales WARNING! DO NOT READ THIS BOOK. IT CONTAINS THIRTEEN OF THE SILLIEST TALES THE TREEHOUSE TEAM HAVE EVER TOLD. TALES SO SILLY THEY COULD BREAK YOUR BRAIN*. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. PUT IT DOWN. PUT IT DOWN NOW. BY ORDER OF THE STORY POLICE. *Unless you don't have one, in which case you'll be fine so please disregard this warning.

a vegetable vaporiser

Great idea!' I say. 'Let's load

THE 13-STOREY MONKEY HOUSE

Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream, Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream! Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. If you see a crocodile, Give it some ice cream! Row, row, row your boat, Row and never stop. If you're getting hungry, Then suck a lollipop! Row, row, row your boat, Gently on the lake. Don't forget to bring along A really big—

Excuse me, Pinchy," I say quickly (before he can start a third verse), "but isn't everything in the Two-Dollar Shop always only two dollars?

them. The only trouble is that it could take a while because I'm actually feeling pretty healthy. I hear

screaming caterpillar that just screams and screams and when you ask it to stop it just keeps screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and scream—

ABOVE: An artist's impression of what it would look like if Mr Big Nose's nose exploded.