Quotes from Amy Banks

When you're judging, you're not listening. And if you're not listening, you're missing out on one of the best ways to stimulate your smart vagus pathway and turn down the volume of your stress-response system. But if you're not judging, you can listen more and feel calmer, and this, in turn, will make interacting with others much easier and judging others less necessary.

the transformative power of relationships

The science is clear. Social disconnection stimulates our brain's pain pathways and our stress response systems, making it more likely we'll seek out unhealthy sources of dopamine.

For example, the neurochemicals produced by healthy relationships can help melt pathways for bad habits and solidify new pathways that are more desirable.)

For twenty-five years, Isaac Knapper had lived in my mind as a troubled young man who had learned violence in the projects and had simply acted out what he knew. It was a naïve story line, but it had allowed me to stay distantly sympathetic to him and his family. I felt better about myself for that, but I had no idea that I was participating in the same process that had secured his fate in the first place.

was struck by how easy it was to be with him. In the fantasy I had created about our meeting, there was no conversation, no laughter, just a frozen stare. I was entirely unprepared for how rich and resonant our connection felt from the start.

The fiercest emotional pain has the power to swallow you whole if you are stationary long enough.